Today’s question comes from a reader who’s curious about prostate play but is a bit apprehensive about trying it:
“I’m curious about trying prostate stimulation but I’m nervous. I’ve heard that it feels really good once you’re doing it, but I’m afraid it’s going to hurt. I think I might want to use some kind of numbing product but I’d rather use weed since it’s more natural. Where should I start with this whole prostate thing and could weed help?”
Although I can’t speak from personal experience, not having a prostate myself, I’ve been told over and over by people with prostates that prostate stimulation is highly pleasurable. Two of my colleagues, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg, recently taught a class at the Stockroom in Los Angeles on prostate pleasure. Seeing the timing as nothing less than serendipitous, I emailed them for some suggestions.
Ken wrote back with some helpful tips for the prostate-curious:
- Relax as much possible, psychologically and physically. If you are tense, your anus will be tense. I found massage, music, incense, and any indica (or a strong indica hybrid) excellent for this.
- The wetter the better. You can never use too much lube.
- Go slow. The entire process should take 20 to 30 minutes.
- Insert one knuckle at a time. Once you have, you can stimulate the penis. It’s ok to let it go flaccid in between inserting the finger deeper. When you’re aroused, your prostate is easier to find, so take your time. When you start stimulating the prostate, use as much pressure as you would as if you were pressing on your eye (don’t use too much pressure or it can hurt).
- Try topical sprays. Instead of using a topical with numbing chemicals, I would recommend a cannabis topical spray like Foria. It will relax the tense muscles you have without the loss of feeling. I have a number of issues with anal sex physically, and Foria was the only product I found that helped my anal tension. Numbing yourself is actually not advisable and may lead to an ‘oops poops’ if you don’t have total control.
If you’re looking for an indica or indica-dominant hybrid to try before your prostate sesh, I suggest Grape Ape and Skywalker, respectively. Ken mentioned that he hasn’t had a chance to try Foria’s Explore suppositories, so if you live in California, I would say that’s your best bet because it has CBD in addition to THC.
Sunny added, “Remember to breathe–both for the giver and the person receiving penetration! Holding your breath makes your muscles clench. Muscles are most relaxed on the exhale, so time your approach accordingly.”
If you’re skittish about using your finger on your partner, there are some terrific prostate massage toys on the market, The gold standard is Aneros, a company that got its start selling its products as medical devices for people with prostate issues (cancer, enlargement, etc.). The toys are high-quality and ergonomically designed for individuals with varying size preferences.
With all of that in mind, just remember the golden rules of any any play:
- Go slow
- Use lots of lube
- Don’t forget to breathe
What’s your experience with prostate massage? Love it? Hate it? Tell us in the comments!
Sunny Megatron is a sexuality educator, sex and relationship writer, media personality, and pleasure products expert. She’s also the host and executive producer of the groundbreaking, sex-positive Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron. Named one of the 6 most savvy sexologists in North America, Sunny’s work has been featured in Cosmo, Playboy, Jezebel, Buzzfeed, CNN, Refinery29, Playgirl Magazine, and more. As a lifestyle BDSM enthusiast, much of her work centers around normalizing alternative sexual practices and ending sexual stigma.
Ken Melvoin-Berg is a Chicago-based TV producer, freelance writer, BDSM/sex educator, adult industry consultant, and male sex toy advocate. He is also the consulting producer of Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” Ken is an “edutainer” armed with knowledge of all things sexual, a humorous lecturing style, and a professional background in medicine/biology. You can read some of his sexuality articles on kinkly.com and on Sunny’s website.